


Patton's Break

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Losts of tears, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Deceit, Patton snaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 00:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15182267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: When Patton snaps one day, it directly affects Logan. A misunderstanding on Patton's part, and a broken heart on Logan's.





	1. Chapter 1

Looking back on it all Logan felt that he should have known better, in all honesty, he really felt like he should have kept his mouth shut and stopped talking so much. The others had told him time and time again, both in subtle and pretty unsubtle ways to shut his mouth and to not talk.

_I should have known...It was all there, I was just.. I’m supposed to be the smart one and yet I was just too stupid to see it._

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Thoughts like these rang around dizzily in his head, mocking him like the metaphorical demon on his shoulder, as the tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, before slowly leaking down and staining the grey hoodie that was bunched up into his arms. A sob hitched in his breath, but once again he muffled it by pressing his face into the soft grey hoodie that smelled of baked cookies and cinnamon sugar.

Why did he have to be stupid when it came to the person he loved?

It had started simple enough, as usual, they were all together. Taking part in one of their usual family meetings in the mind space that currently looked like the Thomas’ living room, as they talked about whatever was going on with Thomas and how he could be expected to deal with it.  Roman shot off a few ideas that they were talking about even if a definitive point hadn’t been reached yet, all while Virgil and Logan idly chat together for a while. and

The moment that it seemed to happen was when Patton made a few of his jokes and in typical fashion Logan groans at one of them, he had rolled his eyes as the other’s snickered at his plight. Logan clapped his hand over his face being careful not to slap his glasses off of his face as he shook his head, the smile on Patton’s face seemed frozen there as Logan opened his mouth to speak.

“Another one of your silly jokes Patton, really?” The question was simple enough and something that was a normal response to one of Patton’s puns, and usually it wouldn’t have gone on without much of an issue like it usually did, but for whatever reason…Patton just lost it.

Patton wasn’t laughing along with them, nor was he even smiling anymore at Logan’s retort, that would have normally been deemed a joke between the two of them. Everything seemed to freeze at that moment, as Patton’s fingers curled into fists, and his smile now had one too many teeth visible, as he all but started to rip his cat hoodie off. The others weren’t laughing anymore either, Virgil’s expression held a look of stiff terror as the quick and jerky movements from Patton seemed to surprise him the most.

Even Roman wasn’t quite sure what to do, as he just watched, and before any of them even knew it he was throwing it at Logan’s face in what could most accurately be deemed a fit of pure unadulterated anger, then he started screaming. His torrent of anger filled screams ringing around the room, flooding out anyone else who would have talked over him.

“You know what? I am DONE being the comedy relief. I’m done being talked over, and walked over. I’m FUCKING sick of just being the silly character to lighten the mood. I’m fucking done.” There a little bit spittle could be seen flying from Patton’s mouth and even so, Logan wouldn’t have noticed it, all he saw was Patton’s flushed and angry looking face and the way that his eyes are furiously burning as he stared back into Logan’s widened eyes. The moral side was heavily panting, his arms stiff and his hands still clenched like he wanted to punch something, or perhaps someone. His gaze burned into Logan.

Or maybe it was his own eyes that are burning? His chest perhaps? Logan didn’t know how to name what he was feeling in that moment, but instead of thinking about it, thinking about the pain that was akin to having one's heart ripped out and stomped on just about a thousand times by the one person who held it. Logan instead swallowed thickly, swallowing down all of the emotions that wanted to erupt out of him like a cataclysmic volcano that would leave no survivors. No, instead of letting himself go, and instead of allowing himself to feel any of it right now, he chose to do something else instead.

In that moment of tense silence, with the other two sides looking back and forth between him and Patton, Logan looks down at the hoodie and then back over to Patton. He could feel it, he could feel everyone staring, was its judgment? Were they judging him? Mocking him? Were they blaming him like Patton so rightfully does? Do they hate him too now? The only thing that he can even bear to muster up is something small and pathetic as he is in that moment in time, and he’s sure that the others see it as such a thing as well.

The most that he can even let out right then, is a soft “Oh,” as he stares down at the cat hoodie, he stares for what feels like a long time his eyes still doing that irritating burning sensation that he wasn’t sure what to name, and then he suddenly sinks out.

When he is finally back inside of his room, Logan feels his fingers digging into the soft fabric of the cat hoodie, they’re clenching it tightly, completely wrinkling the material, but even then his eyes are burning more and more.

_Why can’t I see now? What’s going on? Why…_

“Oh…” The pathetic whimper of the single word slips out of him.

That one word left him, just like the little drops of salty liquid slide gently down his cheeks and drip solemnly onto the warm brown fabric of the hoodie, So this is crying. Logan humorlessly thought to himself, his chest feels like it’s going to explode any second now as he tries as hard as he can to hold it in for a second long. Eventually though….eventually he lets it happen for a second, he lets himself cry as his shoulders start to tremble for a second, and then just moments later, they start to shake as if his body was gripped with the terror and fear of being scared for his life.

It takes him far too long, but once that he is able to it stops as soon as it had started, and soon enough he’s wiping his eyes with the back of his hands trying to keep the uneven breathing down to a minimum. Finally, he lets out a breath and wiping his face once more before grabbing all of what he came for.

Logan sinks back out of his room, leaving the hoodie behind discarded on his bed. Forgotten for now.

It had alarmed Virgil for all but a few seconds when Logan had up and vanished on them, as it had with Roman as well as the creative side started to worriedly pace back and forth. None of them had expected him to just leave, perhaps not even Patton, who was just standing there now. His anger had drained away the moment that the heartbreaking emotion had crossed Logan’s face, and even more so when Logan had looked up into his eyes, the warm brown eyes that were glazed over with a well of tears, before being replaced with something colder that none of them were used to.

The anxious side just stood there, not entirely certain as to what he should do now that had been standing there in sheer frozen horror, at least before he opened his mouth to call out Logan’s name again. The first time, he had choked on his own words, Logan’s name coming out more as a gasp of letters more than anything. Honestly, Virgil didn’t want to admit it but he was scared, he was scared of what Logan was going to do. Or rather what he could do.

Would he shout back? Would he laugh at Patton’s face, his anger? Would he completely break down? Would he...duck out like he had done before? Would he simply cease to be?

His questions all too soon were answered though. As the sight of Logan rising back up within just a few seconds.

The first thing that Virgil noted to his own dismay, were Logan’s eyes. How red and puffy they were, like Logan had just been crying his heart and soul out, but hadn’t yet had the time to cover it up or to put a cool rag over his face to hide the redness from every one of them. It certainly wasn’t the only thing either, as in his hands much to Virgil’s, Roman’s, and even Patton’s muted surprise, he held Patton’s cardigan.

It had obviously been used a great deal, that much is obvious by its state of wear, not to say that it looks horrible. But rather it had the kind of state of wear that was there when someone has meticulously and carefully washed and cared for it over the course of months perhaps even the course of years.

That someone being Logan.

“I..I guess then, you’ll want this back I guess…I..I’ve been using it to sleep with. But it’s yours.”

When Logan gives it back his hands are shaking and his fingers don’t dare to touch Patton’s as he sharply draws away as if the moral side had just stung him, and Patton just in general looks awfully shocked at Logan’s words. A frown pulling at his lips, and barely..just barely Virgil saw something glimmering in his eyes as he took the cardigan back.

Patton’s fingers curled and dug into the fabric now drawing it close to himself, even from where he held it he could smell the faintest whiff of old books, ink, and ground up coffee beans. Even though he had never seen that cardigan again, Logan had been using it plenty when Patton hadn’t. Somehow, that made him feel all the worse for it too, as he watched Logan standing there his eyes locked to the floor. He couldn’t even bear to look him in the eyes.

“I..I will not defend myself against your words…” Logan began, as he swallowed down the rising tears that wanted to spill over, he had to keep up this cold facade for as long as he possibly could. “All that I will say is…you are not comedic relief, you never were to me. In my eyes were..you were someone who knew when nobody else did what was wrong. While I was just mere exposition, you could help solve problems that I didn’t even see, and Patton….I am sorry if I mistook what that meant.”

Without even thinking, and with a face full of regret Patton reached forward, however, this time when Logan sinks out, he does not come back.


	2. Chapter 2

Patton was furious, although despite what Virgil and Roman may have thought, he wasn’t furious at them or..or at Logan. No, he was furious with himself.

His old grey and wore out cardigan felt most certainly foreign in his hands, especially when compared to his beloved cat hoodie that was exponentially softer than the one that he was holding right now. Just looking at it he could tell the bits and pieces of the discoloration of the fabric, where Logan had probably slept on it for a countless number of nights. Just looking at this, at the piece of clothing that Logan had so carefully taken into his safekeeping, it...made him feel worse about the things that he had said. 

Luckily he wasn’t the only one who felt angry.

“What on earth were you thinking?!” It was Virgil who spoke up, the anxious side’s hands were trembling and shaking despite Roman obviously doing what he could to keep Virgil calm so that he didn’t panic anymore. That panic though had shifted and changed into a anger, the pure emotion of it bled through the other’s tone as he stomped over in front of Patton. 

“I get that you may have issues with him, or even us! But doing that..yelling at him like that is not the way to make it known! Why would you say that to him?! Out of everyone here, Logan is the least likely to see you in the way that you described! He..He…” Virgil’s hands nervously ran through his hair as his breathing stuttered for a solid moment, his dark eyes darted all around the room as if by some chance Logan would still be here, and he could have Logan’s solid calm facts to rely on. 

But he didn’t, and Logan wasn’t here anymore.

“Do you know how many times that we’ve called Logan useless Patton? Quite frankly I’m surprised that he hasn’t snapped at  **us** for everything that we’ve said to him. He has...and he never will feel that you are the comedic relief! Don’t you get it? He-” Virgil’s lips snapped shut as his teeth ground together in a righteous fury, although underneath of it all he felt his anxiety boiling and boiling. 

He  **needed** Logan to be here with him, he needed stability, he needed...he needed….

“Why don’t we all calm down here, I’m sure that Logan will be back. He’s not going to duck out forever. Thomas needs his logical side after all, why don’t we just sit down and let things cool off for a second.” 

Surprisingly enough, it was Roman who came through as the voice of reason in the place of Logan, and Virgil’s eyes darted over to the creative side, he couldn’t help but to nod his head in agreement, Roman was right of course. Logan wouldn’t stay gone forever, he’d be back, and once Logan calmed down along with Patton, then they could properly talk things over. Logan would be back and everything would be perfectly alright.

Taking a deep breath and holding it for a second, Virgil nodded again. Before neither he or Patton knew it, they were all sat down at the dining table. Virgil’s leg continuously bounced up and down in a seemingly never-ending cycle of worry as the sounds of glasses clinking together in the kitchen let him know that Roman was fixing them all something to drink. 

Glancing over to Patton for a second, the moral side continued to hold his old cardigan, all Patton could really do was look at it now that he held it in his hands again. His mind was constantly replaying it over and over, how Logan vanished, then reappearing looking absolutely distraught while handing it over to him, only to then leave after assuring him...him the person who least deserved it at that moment, that he didn’t hate him and that he was more..he was better than Logan. 

Of course, there were a few times that Logan, as well as everyone, had talked over him, but...hadn’t they done the same to Logan on several occasions. Especially when Logan had only ever wanted to help, being talked over hurt, and being seen as just the person who did nothing but crack jokes and be happy, hurt as well. But now that he was thinking about it...how did they...no how did  **he** treat Logan? 

The table gained a blurry layer of mist over it as the tears welled up in Patton’s eyes, the moment a tiny sniffle left him was the moment that Virgil’s gaze snapped back over to him. His brows wrinkled in a worried fashion that soon turned to sadness at the sight of Patton lifting the cardigan burying his face into the soft fibers that still carried the smell of Logan. 

“Hey…” Virgil finally spoke, scooting his chair back from the table he inched forward before standing by Patton’s side, reaching out for a split second Virgil’s finger finally rested on Patton’s back. “Listen…” He sighed, feeling the tensed trembling muscles under his touch, “I get it alright. I get that you might feel ignored, or you might feel like..like we’re pushing a role onto you but..but you cannot do what you just did. I get frustration Pat, truly I do, but to explode like that...to snap at Logan when he didn’t even do anything. It’s cruel and it’s not nice, if you have a problem then we’re here to talk with you about it, we aren’t here to be your verbal punching bags for when that frustration overflows. You get me?” 

The faintest hint of nod is seen from the moral side, although it is increasingly difficult to tell given that his face remains buried in that old cardigan. Virgil is certain that it’ll be impossible to make him let go of it, at least until they see Logan again.

It’s only a few minutes later when Roman prances back into the dining room, holding, or at least attempting to hold the three warm mugs of hot chocolate. The warm liquid isn’t even nearly as hot as it should be, and that is the only thing that tips Virgil off that Roman had been listening to them the entire time. Sharing a look with the fanciful side, the knowing gaze he gets in return almost cements that fact for him, although the approving nod he gets on top of that lets him know that he did alright with Patton. So with that knowledge in mind, Virgil sips at his lukewarm hot chocolate.

They’ll wait for however long that Logan needs, and whenever he’s ready that would be when they’ll talk. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was by the end of the second week without Logan that Patton just can’t take it anymore, he had done what he could to distract himself from just going and knocking..or perhaps barging into Logan’s room and ruining the promise that he had sworn to himself. Each day seemed to drag on by when Logan wasn’t with them, and even though both Virgil and Roman reminded him that Logan would eventually return, and that Thomas couldn’t be without his logic for so long, the seeds of doubt had been sown in his mind and heart.

_ What if Logan never does come back? Virgil said that he has to, that Lo has to know that we...no they at least want him back. He has to...he has to… _

With the worrying thoughts that swam through his head each and every day, Patton had taken up residence inside of the kitchen and the oven was almost always on. One after another. Baked goods, dinner foods, and cookies came out no matter what, like a never-ending line of food.

“You just have to have faith Pat...he’ll come out eventually,” Roman said to him one evening, as he pushed a dish of sweet potato casserole out of the way so that he could set his drink down on the counter. 

Pretty much every inch of the countertops was covered in things he had cooked, perhaps it was some foolish hope that the smell would attract Logan enough to lure him out of his room, and get him to eat at least something. Because as far as he was concerned, Logan had not stepped foot in the kitchen, nor had he taken any of the many things from the fridge that Patton had stored there in case he did happen to go in there.  

“I know that I’m sounding like a broken record but...while I admit that this is the longest that any of us have been gone just..just wait and give him time.” Roman tried to reassure him with a halfway convincing smile, although just from looking at the creative side, Patton could see the concern and the mountain of worry that was piled up on the prince’s back.

In a way, Roman felt that this was partially his fault as well, he..the loudest out of all of them, tended to talk over them if they didn’t forcibly interject, he liked to talk and he liked to get his ideas out there to bounce them off the others. He never wanted Patton to feel...ignored and worst of all, he never wanted something like this to happen. Truth be told...he missed Specs, he missed the straightlaced nature of the logical side and he never thought that he would admit it, but he missed how Logan bluntly told him what he needed to hear. 

Nevertheless, he shook away those depressing thoughts for another time, instead, picking up one of the cookies that had started to pile up on the counter handing it to Patton with what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Have a cookie Pat...and if that doesn’t help, have your second cookie.” 

When Roman finally vanished Patton stared down at his cookie as he felt his bottom lip wobbling, bringing it close to his mouth the moral side took a bite before he dared to burst into tears again. He had cried so much in the past two weeks, curled up next to the cardigan that had eventually stopped smelling like Logan. So when that had happened, he cried even harder. It was a little ironic, given that Logan was right though, emotions were messy.

In the end, no matter how many second cookies that he ate, he didn’t feel any better. 

By the end of the day, Patton had to vanish several of his creations after both Roman and Virgil stepped in taking a few plates of mashed potatoes, corn, and pasta off of his hands. They returned a few hours later with the empty dishes, but even then it didn’t help that Patton was completely surrounded by the products of his stress baking, and given that no more food would fit into the fridge he elected to vanish some of it leaving a covered up plate out just in case. 

_ In case what? In case he decides to come down? He hasn’t been down in two weeks, what makes you think that he’s just going to miraculously come down and decide to eat now? He’s probably logic-ed his way out of eating.  _

Patton couldn’t help scolding himself for the thought, he wanted..no he needed to remain optimistic when it came to this. But...he did have a point. Logan wasn’t going to come down and get his food, according to Virgil and the piece of paper that the anxious side had stuck in the hinges of his door. Logan hadn’t even left his room. 

So it was simple then...if Logan wouldn’t come to food, the food would come to Logan.

For the first time in those two weeks, Patton felt as if he had a plan, and picking up the saran wrap covered plate Patton made the climb up the stairs. The climb that on most nights made him feel all the worse, given that each and every time he forced himself to walk past Logan’s door. 

On nights when he was really quiet when coming up those stairs he heard the faintest sounds of sniffling and crying, while on other nights...he heard the sounds of someone muffling their own screams inside a pillow. 

Those were the nights that Patton felt his emotions tearing him up from the inside out with a renewed kind of vigor, those were the nights that he didn’t sleep, instead, he ended up camping out in the kitchen and cooking until the muscles in his hands cramped from exhaustion. Now though, now he stood at Logan’s door that was painted a simple deep indigo with splatters of white all over it and the occasional smiling star sticker. He had put those stickers there, it had infuriated Logan when he had done it as kids, but Logan had never taken them down regardless of what he said about them. 

_ Maybe you should have seen it like everyone else. He didn’t hate your jokes or puns, he’s logic. He makes his own puns, it was a joke to him, and...he’s bad at jokes. _

Once again Patton’s bottom lip quivered at the thoughts, as the world around him became misty with the burning sensation in his eyes. 

No..no he wasn’t going to cry, he just wouldn’t. Just because he was Thomas’ emotions didn’t mean anything, he could hold it together for one second. He could do this, it was simple. Just knock open the door and leave the food on his desk, or..or knock and run! He could do that, Logan wouldn’t even know that it was him, Logan wouldn’t have to see him, and there would be no messy emotions to get in the way. Yes, knock and run for the hills.

Gripping the plate a little bit tighter, Patton raised his hand as he bunched up the muscles in his legs, one knock that was all it took. Taking in a deep breath his hand hovered over the door where Logan’s name was spelled out in the most perfect and legible font ever. 

Sucking up every inkling of his fear, Patton knocked.

Just for the door to open right as his fist went to make contact.


	4. Chapter 4

Like the door to an eerie old castle, Logan’s door swung open. The only thing that it was missing was the groaning of the ancient hinges on the door, and then it would have been perfectly in place for one of the tip-top places that Patton didn’t want to ever step foot in. The moral side himself felt such a great amount of terror that his heart felt like it was thumping in his chest like a deranged jackrabbit caught in a trap, his hand remained raised and it was only a few seconds later that it slowly fell down to his side.

His wide impressionable eyes stared forward impossibly wide as he gazed into the vast emptiness that made up Logan’s room now, Patton’s voice caught in his throat as he stood at the doorward. Every fiber of his very being was telling him to book it, to run to the others and just get out of there, that this wasn’t his room and thus it wasn’t his place to intrude upon. But…

A smaller...yet impossibly louder and sterner voice told him that he should go in, that he had come up here for Logan, and if this emptiness...this..this...whatever it was Logan’s room now, then something had to have happened to Logan and it was his responsibility to find him. 

_ This is my fault, if I hadn’t yelled at Logan then this wouldn’t have happened to him. He wouldn’t have felt the need to do this and this...wouldn’t have become his room. I fix this.  _ Internally steeling himself, Patton gripped the plate that he was holding just a little bit tighter as he nodded to himself. This time, there were no tears and he refused to be scared by this place, this might have been Logan’s place, but it had never harmed him before and it surely wouldn’t hurt him now. 

“I can do this, I am Patton and I am Morality.  **This** is the right thing to do.” With that said as really more of a personal motivator than anything else, Patton closed his eyes, exhaling calmly as he stepped forward into the thick inky blackness that felt all too similar to a wet blanket around all of his senses. 

The darkness swarmed around him as he moved forward, it was like making his way through pudding, or perhaps even pea soup with the consistency that he was going through it. Every time he picked his feet up to step forward it was like both of his feet were submerged in wet cement, unable to truly pick them up all the way as Patton inched forward a little at a time.

“M..Move...forward...move…” He grunted out, and his muscles burned in protest of the action, even speaking made him feel like his teeth had been glued shut with extra sticky peanut butter and the words left him in a dull confused haze. 

Which direction was he even going anymore? It would be impossible to turn his head around, let alone to look for the door he had come through. How on earth was Logan fairing through all of this? Was he stuck as well? He really hoped that he wasn’t.

“I’m...coming Lo...gan…” 

He heard nothing, he felt nothing, and he smelled nothing for the longest time as he slunk forward, that was until…

Softness.

The initial feeling surprised him for a second, but he definitely felt the feeling of freshly cut grass against the bare arches of his feet, the smell of it came back to him next, that nostalgic smell that reminded him of so many Saturday mornings as a child when Thomas had woken up to go and play outside after the grass had just been cut. It had smelled so nice back then, even now...it just didn’t smell the same as it used to. How he wished that it did though, but nothing was the same as it once was.

Shaking the depressing thought away, the next and the last to come back to him was his vision, and when it did Patton found himself once again frozen in place. As he found a second pair of eyes curiously looking back at him with the cutest tilted head, and a pile of curled hair that had strands of grass sticking out of it.

“Who are you?” Even the voice was the same as Thomas’, although the age for that matter was marginally different. The child stood to Patton’s waist, although that hardly changed the glasses that seemed to have been modeled after Harry Potter’s, the array of bright blue polka dotted bow tie, the khaki shorts that showed off the skinned knees that were absolutely covered in band-aids, as well as the button up shirt that showed how the child was attempting to be serious, although the bright rainbow suspenders definitely subtracted from that. That as well as the soft baby blue unicorn plushie and cartoonishly oversized notebook in his arms as well.

“Who are  **you** ?” The words left Patton’s mouth in a rush, which only caused the child to frown which led to the kid pouting as he stubbornly crossed his arms. 

“I asked first!” The child said in a demanding tone, stomping one of his feet as he did, behaving just like any child would who was denied anything. And almost instantly, Patton held a hand out to calm the kid down before he could stomp his feet anymore and start fussing. The last thing he wanted to do was to disrupt anything in this...area or whatever Logan’s room had turned out to be. 

“My name kiddo, is Patton. Now, what’s your name? How long have you been here? What is this place? Is there…” Patton swallowed audibly as his eyes darted down to the grass for a split second before once again meeting the warm brown eyes of the child. “Is there anyone else here too?” 

“You ask a lot of questions, but that’s alright! I like questions too! I’ll show you around since you don’t seem to be bad, my name is Curi!” And just like that, as if by the flick of a coin or something, this..Curi’s attitude changed just like that as he beamed up at Patton, his smile was missing his front tooth. Although he wasn’t allowed to dwell on that for too long as Curi seized his hand with a surprising amount of force for a kid so small, leading him away and further into the world.

“Curi...does that stand for anything?” Patton curiously asked, he couldn’t help the feeling of dread that was welling up inside of him stomach as Curi flashed him another smile at the question. Whoever the kid was, he seemed to absolutely adore questions, no matter in what form they came in. 

“It’s short for Curiosity, and this is my place. I made it!” 

And just like that Patton’s fears were realized.

Of course, Logan had never come down, because there wasn’t a Logan  **to** come down. Logan was gone, and Curiosity was in his place.


	5. Chapter 5

A stark numbness was the only thing that Patton felt as he felt Curiosity, or Curi as he preferred to be called leading him around by his hand. The excited looked that was on the smaller side’s face was the complete opposite of how Patton both looked and felt, and yet, even so, the child continued to lead him around. 

“I found this beetle yesterday! Did you know that its bites make the skin puff up and get all shiny? And look at its shell! Why do you think that it looks like that, usually bugs try to camouflage themselves so that they can’t be seen by predators from above, but this one is so pretty!” Curi exclaimed poking at said beetle with his unicorn plushie, just to immediately drop it letting out a surprised shriek once the beetle started to crawl on the short stranded fibers of the unicorn's mane.

The other side scrambled away from it, instinctively going to hide behind Patton as he clutched the other’s shirt, just like a child running to their mother or father for protection. A stab of guilt struck Patton once again, here was a new and more impressionable side that already felt close to him, and yet…he couldn’t deny the feeling that he was getting. The feeling that to do this, to just accept that Logan was gone and no more, would be like..like he was just replacing Logan with someone that he was able to get along better with.

Curiosity...for all intents and purposes, seemed to be the total opposite of Logan, the child was eager and almost always had a smile on his face. Especially when he pointed out all of the things that he had taken notes on, the kid had even cracked a few of his own jokes. 

“You aren’t going to be-leaf this!” Curiosity crowed, heaving up a huge leaf that was just about the same size of the kid’s head, and really it was something that Patton normally would laugh at until his cheeks were stained red and he couldn’t breathe. But…

_ He’s not Logan. _

The thought in itself felt like a betrayal, and for whatever reason Patton couldn’t fathom the reason just for that feeling. 

His legs still moved forward, and he still bent down to shake the beetle off of the unicorn plush, handing it back to Curi who beamed happily at him before taking his hand again. Patton didn’t understand it, and while there wasn’t much that he prided himself in these days...it was knowing his own feelings and what was the cause of them. This though..this was just confusing for him, and the fact that it was so confusing only made him feel worse. 

“Curi?” Patton's voice came out softer than he expected it to, and the younger side looked up with his wide impressionable eyes and tilted head. Goodness, he reminded him of Logan when they had all been so much younger, when things had been simpler and when things...hadn’t gotten this bad. 

With a quick shake of his own head, he cast away those thoughts of nostalgia as well as the question he had been about to ask the other, as they sat next to the babbling stream that had several multicolored and almost rainbow-like fish in it. Patton stared down into the water looking into his own reflection that was constantly being distorted by the strong and steady flow of the river they were sitting beside. He looked sad, his lips while they were pulled up into a content-like smile, Patton’s eyes showed a true sadness in them, one that couldn’t be bothered to go away.

Suddenly, soft warmth rested on the crook of his arm, and flinching Patton’s head snapped over to look at Curi who was now resting his entire, albeit rather small, body against the moral side as his eyes started to blearily shut. Of course, as a child, Curi would be prone to getting more tired than adults would, and this was probably his naptime. Raising his hand up, it hovered over Curi’s head as the other side’s head rested against his arm, a soft look was granted towards the child before Patton laid his hand on Curi’s shoulder softly shaking him back and forth. 

“Curi...Curi you can’t sleep here, don’t you have a bed? That would be more comfortable to sleep there than on me of all people.” Patton tried to keep his voice warm as he spoke to the little kid, watching as the eyes blearily blinked from behind the perfectly circular glasses before tiredly looking up at him. 

A simple shake of the head was all that he was given, which that alone set off Patton’s worries and suspicions. They all had places to sleep, even Roman who sometimes changes his surroundings to go on grand adventures had an actual bed to sleep on. Although, Curi had said that he had made this area, not that he had found it, and not that he had been formed in it like the rest of them. 

His own creation while it was somewhat fuzzy to recall, was him appearing in his room, with bare walls and a bed that he’d been able to decorate as he grew in age and experiences with Thomas. If Curi was this young and he was still here in this place…

“Curi...where is Logan?” Patton suddenly asked, and getting a confused head tilt in return as those soft puppy dog eyes stared back at him, he felt an inkling of annoyance raking over him. 

Although he certainly didn’t indulge in it this time, the last time that he had acted on his annoyance and the last time that he had given into that kind of feeling...he’d completely lost it with Logan, and he refused to do so again with the person who was acting as Logan’s ward or..or his replacement. 

“I don’t know who that is…” Curi mumbled, fiddling with his suspenders as his eyes drifted guiltily downwards, a tiny pout formed on his bottom lip, “You ask a lot of questions, and I can tell that this one isn’t a good one…” He added glancing up through his lashes in an almost devious fashion, or at least the childlike version of devious. 

Regardless, Curi knew something about Logan, and within a second the promise to not snap at Curi was getting shorter and shorter. As he felt every muscle in his entire body locking into place as a shiver raced down his spine. 

“He is logic, his name is Logan. Curi if you know something then for god’s sake spit it out! Please, where is he! This is his room!” Patton’s voice that had started out with a forced coolheadedness completely dissolved under the pressure and stress that he had been living with for two solid weeks. 

Without even giving it a second thought or thinking it through he grasped the shoulders of Curi giving him a good shake as he stared down into the eyes that had gone from devious to terrorized. No..no..no..no…

He had done it again.

His fingers released the younger side as if he had just been electrocuted, and even as Curi was standing up, reaching his small hand out for Patton with an unreadable look on his face. Patton was already backing away, the swell of emotions in his chest made it hard to breathe and see right then as he clasped his hand over his mouth trying to keep all of the emotions, tears, and sobs at bay in front of a child that he had more than likely scarred for life now. 

“I have to go!” He hastily choked out. 

“Patton wait!” But he was already turning away as soon as Curi called out his name, the child’s voice cracked audibly and somehow that made him feel all the worse for it as he took another step away. Again and again, completely ignoring the childish voice behind him, begging him to come back and to not leave him. He had to leave, even now and even here, he had somehow managed to mess up another relationship because he couldn’t properly monitor his emotions. 

The tears were welling up even faster now in his eyes, he was quick to wipe them away though, as he made his way in the general direction that the door should be...or most likely was. Perhaps he could get Roman, or even Virgil to come in here and get some information from Curi, but not him, never him.

“Why couldn’t you be happy? I..I thought that you would be happy with..with a new one…” Patton’s head snapped up from where he’d buried his face into his hands attempting to stop the onslaught of tears. Now he was looking around like a madman as the voice... **that** voice..as familiar as it was seemed to echo lonesomely around him like that last dying echo in an underground cavern. 

_ Was this real? It has to be real!  _ Patton stubbornly told himself, he looked everywhere for the source of the voice, and...found nothing.

“I..Why can’t I ever just make you happy?!” 

The world, the trees, and the sound of the babbling river throbbed around Patton as the voice that was ripe with pain echoed once more. It warped around him, like one of those curved mirrors that Thomas had seen when he sometimes went to the fair, only this time it wasn’t just an illusion, it was seriously happening. 

As the ground itself twisted beneath Patton’s feet, the smell of the freshly cut grass going away with it, the sound of the river had vanished, and soon enough the sight of the landscape faded away like chalk off the sidewalk on a stormy day. It all left, and once again Patton was greeted by the endless void that had been at the entrance of Logan’s bedroom, the sticky and slow movements didn’t hinder him this time as it felt almost as if...he were floating in midair, or like how he had always imagined floating around in space would be like.

Fortunately and unfortunately, the sensation didn’t last as it all started to come back into focus, the slumped over figure that appeared to have just the worst posture was in front of him slowly getting more and more detail added to it as the second ticked by. At first he was barely able to recognize it, then as more and more of the details fell into place…

“Logan?” The harsh whisper left him like the exhale after a kiss, as he was left standing there openly staring at the logical side that was standing in front of him.


	6. Chapter 6

Thinking back on it all, how things used to be and how he had expected them to be in the future...Logan looked pretty awful now that he was completely in focus.

The feeling of his feet connecting with the solid wooden floor that while it once had been clean and completely spotless, was now covered the remains of papers that had either been balled up or just torn to pieces. That was what had distracted him from Logan for a second, just seeing the state of his room. It was a complete disconnect from how the beautiful outside scenery had looked, inside Logan’s room the air felt stuffy and thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen for the both of them to breathe normally. Even his bed that had usually always been so neatly folded up was just a pile of pillows and blankets that had formed into a ball on one side of the bed, sleeping easy obviously wasn’t very high up on Logan’s list of things he needed.

Patton’s gaze though, didn’t linger too long on his surroundings before he looked over Logan, worry more than anything was at the front and most central part of his brain right now. And honestly, it was that way for a very good reason too.

Considering that just about everything about him was a mess, gone was Logan’s usual tie and his polo shirt, his hair was sticking up in some places while in others it was matted down to the side of his head. His glasses were foggy, and they really looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in a few days, and to top it all off, with something that made him feel even worse than before.

It pained Patton in such a way he had never thought possible to see the  haphazardly thrown on was..it was his cat hoodie, the sleeves of it fell to Logan’s fingers tips and they had obviously had some good use out of them given the way that the light grey fabric was stained a slightly darker color now. Although given the state of Logan’s face, it was to be expected as the silent and cold tears rolled down Logan’s cheeks as the logical side just stared back at him, as if he didn’t even know what to say.

Just looking at Logan made that familiar feeling of guilt gnaw at his insides like a hungry rat, he’d done this, and even now he had no idea how to fix it.

“Lo…” Patton’s voice broke almost immediately as he tried to say Logan’s name, and reaching forward to touch the other seemed counterintuitive, as the logical side almost instantly drew back. As if he were scared that Patton would strike him or something now that they were finally, face to face, once more. Just the reaction itself sent a spasm of pain through him.

“Logan…” Patton whispered once more, attempting to make his voice softer and at least somewhat more approachable than when he had been talking with Curi. “What was...what did you do before? What was that?” Above all else, he just felt really confused, was Curi a real side? Was Logan even here right now? Just what had happened before?

The entire scenario played over in his head, as his thoughts continued to just run around in circles, from the moment of where he had been trying to get away from Curi after he had scared the poor kid to when...when he had heard Logan’s voice speaking to him.

“I…” The moment that Patton caught the soft whisper of words leaving Logan, his attention deftly snapped over to the logical side, for what felt like the first time in ages, his attention was solely on Logan and nothing else.

Logan, on the other hand, tried to look anywhere other than Patton, as he fiddled with the hem of the hoodie sleeves, the warm soft material had helped him a lot in the two weeks he had begun his self-imposed isolation from the others. It had been hard at first, to not leave his room and to not go to them or..Patton. The first few nights all he could remember was the words that Patton had spat at him, like the words had been laced with poison or barbed wire. He had cried so much during those nights, he cried knowing that the others weren’t going to care about how he was doing, and he cried for the fact that he was alone.

Then the nightmares had started, and that was when he had begun to scream during the night. Pushing his face into the pillows on his bed in order to muffle those sounds, even if they did end up ringing around his room like the toll of a broken and old bell. The nightmares had been fairly normal at first, or at least as normal as nightmares could be. As the sensation of drowning within himself was what followed him everywhere, every word, ever look that the others had given him. He had been drowning in it, up until the moment that he just couldn’t do it anymore.

Really he hadn’t expected Patton to barge in this soon, especially since he hadn’t been completely done yet. Creating landscapes wasn’t as easy as Roman had made it out to be, that was for sure. But with Patton, it had given him a chance to practice, and above all else...it let him feel the others warmth and to see his smile, all while knowing..knowing that what he was doing was a success.

Nevertheless, Logan’s hand trailed over his tired face as his already slumping shoulders slumped down even more than before. At one point he had completely forfeit sleep from his schedule, the nightmares and the screaming just weren’t worth it some nights.

A deep shuddering sigh rolled through him, and it was at that moment that he began astutely aware of the fact that Patton was still watching him, waiting for answers. God, he didn’t feel like talking right now, but he supposed that he would have to sooner or later.

“I…” Logan began again, the sound of his own voice felt unnatural to him now, “I decided to try something. I always..I made you..you and the others upset on times than I can remember. Emotion is not and should not be a Logic thing, my logic and my own personality was a thorn in the side of all of you for so long. I was never as fun..I didn’t get certain jokes, and...and I made you feel bad so..” Logan licked his dry lips, they tasted salty, probably from the buckets of tears he had shed in the past couple of weeks, not that he was surprised by that anymore.

Patton himself looked pained already, and with that Logan couldn’t help but to grimace at it. Here he was again, already causing pain to the one person who he never wanted to do this to.

“So I…” A deep breath was needed in order for him to go on, and to keep looking right into Patton’s heartbroken expression, “So I made myself anew, before I was Logic, I took the form of Thomas’ curiosity. I..I wanted to know everything, and I wanted to know how the world worked. I thought that if I took the form of Curiosity, and I just let Logic fade away. Then..then…” Logan’s fingers clenched the fabric of the hoodie that was located right over his heart.

_Why so many tears? I can’t see him like this, I can’t see through the tears. Why?_

Watching the tears leak down Logan’s face as the other side appeared to be in actual physical pain from just from the confession alone, Patton moved without thinking and the whimper that left Logan at the contact of the moral side’s arms wrapping around him felt...good.

It felt good to be held and it felt good to just have the solid presence of someone who wasn’t imaginary there with him, Logan buried his face into Patton’s shoulder as he felt the warm cheek of the moral side resting on the top of his head. The warmth there didn’t last too long, as soon enough he felt chilled cold droplets landing in his hair. Patton was crying, and he refused to let Logan see.

“Lo..My Lo-berry…” Just the tone of Patton’s voice, a low mournful whisper was enough to make Logan grip the other side tighter, he never wanted to let go, but at the same time, he was berating himself for even holding on as long as he was.

“Logan, I..I will tell you this now.” Patton told him in the softest and yet the sternest voice that Logan had ever heard, “What I said before...it was not something that you deserved to have thrown in your face, I thought…” Patton paused for a moment, and a few seconds later Logan felt the sensation of the other shaking his head. “No, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I said mean things to you Logan, and you didn’t deserve to have me unload all of my emotions onto you. I..I care about you, and I don’t want you to feel like you are less important than anyone. You matter, to me and to everyone else. You matter. We want you. Logic. Logan. I love you, as you.”

It was at the ‘L’ word in particular that Logan felt himself freezing up, Patton surely didn’t mean it in that way, and even so, he had already apologized and really...Logan would just take whatever he could get right now.

“I am sorry too, I should have made more of an effort to let you know that you were valued to me as well. Because I l..lo..” Just the word itself gave him a little bit of trouble as he attempted to make things clear with Patton, “I lo..love you too Patton. As Morality, as right and wrong, and...just as Patton.” Thankfully Logan did have enough sense to lift his head as he said these things, that way he was able to see the shining tears in Patton’s eyes and the tiny almost hopeful smile on his lips.

“I’m glad…” Patton whispered, and when he leaned in slowly he paused giving Logan an ample time to push him away to tell him this wasn’t what he wanted. He waited, and when there was nothing said, he leaned in he watched as Logan’s eyes fluttered shut. And just like that, he placed a gentle kiss, barely the brush of his lips over both of Logan’s closed eyelids.

Another apology, for all of the tears that had been shed, and the trust that they would eventually rebuild. But not alone, they would do it together.


End file.
